Pushing the "Pause" button

(I wrote this almost a week ago.   I think it's ready for others to read now.) 

If it were possible to do such a thing, I would have.  For two weeks now I've been waiting.  Waiting to be able to run, waiting to go to my appointment, which will bring more waiting to get real results.  I'm usually not very good at the Resting part of R.I.C.E. (Rest, Ice, Compress, Elevate- the most common solution to injuries while waiting for the professional opinion).  Technically I haven't gone on a run in eight days.  Naturally I am on my feet a lot on any given day.  I've iced after any real athletic endeavor, which hasn't been much in the past week.  I've kept my compression sock on until it's too hot to wear pants to hide the fact I'm wearing it, or when I don't feel like explaining why I'm wearing a black knee-high sock.  Elevate?  Doesn't that require you to be sitting?  Ok, so I honestly right now pulled out the drawer next to me to prop my leg up because, after all, I am sitting right now!

I am usually a very optimistic person.  I've learned to be a realist, and I have a bit of strategy to help my cheerful little self out.  It's playing the "what's the worst that could happen?" game.  Follow each answer with "And then what?", and you get a better perspective...or at least a preparation for what's to come.  For example, when I was pregnant with my first child, I couldn't imagine what labor was like.  Being a fan of history, I was familiar with the frequency of the mother dying while in labor.  That, to me, was the worst that could happen.  Fortunately God did not see fit for me to experience difficulty in any of the five labors I went through, and would actually rather give birth than have the stomach flu any day.

But that's not where I was going with all this.  Playing my little mind game, that's what I was going to play with you.  So, here we go:
My calf hurts.
And then what?
I won't be able to run in time for the Ironman.
And then what?
Then I don't think I can do the Ironman. And the Nike Women's (NWM) half marathon in October, or the Two Cities (2CM) half marathon in November.
And then what?
I'm out a lot of moo-lah for the Ironman, for NWM, and P & G for registering me for 2CM; I have to tell my family not to come, cancel my reservation, and tell anyone who knew I was going to do the Ironman that I didn't do the Ironman.
And then what?
I'm embarrassed, I feel guilty about the money, I miss out on an amazing opportunity.  I'm out of the Ironman club.  A lot, and I mean a LOT of plans have just gone up in smoke.
What's the worst that can happen?
I would have to tell my brother.

After I play this little game in my head, I get a text from my dad, and a phone call from my mom.  They want to know if I've spoken to my brother.  No, I haven't lately.  So they fill me in.  His hip surgery  is going to have to be postponed until next year (For the other hip- the other side was done in February), he's going to need a surgery for this, and for that, his infusions are giving him side effects...and I'm just stupefied.  Because I feel really, really stupid. 

What's the worst that can happen?  I can have it all taken away from me.  What do I have to complain about?  A sore calf?  Not being able to run for a month?  How would I like it if I couldn't run for...who knows how long?  Or swim?  Spending money on medical procedures instead of events?  Having to watch others do what I wish I could do?

Oh, and by the way, my brother never complains.  As in, never-ever.  He can be in excruciating pain and you'd only know because he has a forced smile, and possibly a little cranky.  But only a little.  He only tells my parents what's going on because they've given him a stern talking-to about being his parents and his greatest supporters, and that they really, really need to know what's going on with him.  So he obliges, but not in a whiny way.  It's always very matter-of-fact and straight forward:  This is what has to be done.  This is how things have been lately.

So, there you go.  I've debated on whether or not to push the "Publish" button.  Maybe I could just keep this one as a "draft" in the blog's library.  If I've learned one lesson from my brother, it's don't complain.  I've been holding all this in for days now, and just had to let it out. 

Ok, resume play now....