Don't worry...

What happened to the last month?  Where have I been?  What have I been doing?

Four weeks.  That's how long I've kept you all in suspense.  Have I been training?  Yes.  It feels like the answer should be no, but when I look on Garmin Connect it shows me that yes, I have been doing something.  Something is always better than nothing.  But it hasn't been the something that I have been wanting to do.  I have long struggled with trying to please people at the expense of what I want.  And so it continues.  Turns out there are a lot of people who have missed me the passed several months, including (but not limited to) my husband and children.  There have been places to go, people to see, responsibilities to keep in check along the Ironman journey.  November will come and go, but the important people in my life are here to stay. 

Which makes this whole journey thing really complicated.  What I really want to do is swim, bike, run, do yoga, maybe some P90X video all day long.  Or at least most of the day.  I really, really like it...all of it!  I like figuring out where I am going to ride and run.  I like figuring out my nutrition and fueling.  I like training with Pat and others and having long conversations about training, fueling, equipment, etc.  I like setting goals for myself and meeting/exceeding them.  I even like having the occasional "bonk" to keep it all in perspective and keep me from thinking too highly of myself.  I really, really like it.

What I do not like is the growing guilt of what all of that means.  I don't do my homemaking responsibilities nearly as well as I used to.  I'd like to think I could if I really wanted to, but I'm over thinking Wonder Woman is real and that I can be just like her.  There is only so much I can do in a day, and there are only so many hours I can do it all in.  I feel constantly pulled between being a fully responsible wife & mother and training.  Training makes me feel strong, like I can do something right and also well.  I cannot always say that of the former roles.

But don't worry.  I've been blessed with an overwhelming gift of optimism, and I know it will all be alright.  I'll figure it out.  That's one of the things I said I liked, right?