Everywhere I go, I have this dark cloud hanging over me. There are breaking points with rays of sunshine blazing through. Sometimes I forget the cloud is there. Then again, those times are becoming less frequent.
Twelve more days. That's all there is until it's go-time. That's all there is until I get to do the most spectacular endurance event on earth. That's all there is until my life "normalizes".
I come from a very conservative, Bible-based Christian background. The very first commandment is to not have any other gods before the Lord God Almighty, not to worship any other god but Him. In other words...an idol. It has become a more increasingly popular topic in the Christian circle to identify, discuss, and rectify the idols we have in our life. In a lot of religions, both in Bible times as well as through history idols were physical little statues of a deity that one would bow to, pray to, hold on to. It's not that easy anymore. Idols can be intangible. They can also be right in front of you. It's a tough one, because there can be very "good" things that can be called an idol. Is it your children? Your job? Your intelligence? Your... athletic endeavors? Is your idol YOURSELF?
That is what my dark cloud is telling me. I'm distracted from my responsibilities because I'm too wrapped up in what is next on the training schedule. I'm not doing my "job" well because I've taken too much time to train. I've forgotten important kid-related events because I'm too focused on...myself. I have become my own idol. The dark cloud can't wait until November is over.
I've been watching some videos about the Ironman lately. Interviews with participants, both professional and age-groupers, and they always come around to stating something like this: To do an Ironman, you have to be somewhat selfish. It's nothing new and is not earth-shattering news to me. That's what I've heard, what I've expected, what I've feared. I battle with the balance of doing this incredible event and feeling like I've just secluded a lot of people in my life who are important to me, all so I can do this "thing". Is going after something important to you mean you're selfish? Maybe it depends on what is important. It's not like I'm trying to find a cure for cancer.
I've also been able to be with some amazing people who have experience in the area of endurance events, and been able to build those relationships. I've made memories along the way, and blown my expectations of what I could do. I've experienced generosity, enthusiasm, and encouragement to and from others again in my life. My kids want to do a triathlon. They want to take swim lessons.
Oh how I want to explain how I am NOT my own idol! It was not my intention, and I have tried so hard to not make it that way. Just read the second post I wrote on this silly blog. Ask me questions, get to know where my head is, try to understand what is going on. What is your conclusion? Am I guilty?
So this mom of five kids has spent the last year training for an Ironman. She spent a lot of time away from her family. She made new friends. She got to ride her bike and appreciate the beauty that Fresno County has. She doesn't need headphones to entertain herself out on the road and trails. She loves her family and friends. She is exceedingly grateful to be healthy.
She worships the Lord her God. She feels His pleasure in using the talent He gave her.
I'll leave you with the words to one of my most favorite hymns. The words come to mind on many a ride:
How Great Thou ArtLyrics ~ Carl Boberg, 1859 - 1940
English Translation ~ Stuart K. Hine, 1899 - 1989 Stanza 1:O Lord my God,When I in awesome wonderConsider allThe world Thy Hand hath made,I see the stars,I hear the rolling thunder,Thy pow'r throughoutThe universe displayed;
Refrain:Then sings my soul,My Saviour God, to Thee,How great Thou art!How great Thou art!Then sings my soul,My Saviour God, to Thee,How great Thou art!How great Thou art!
Stanza 2:When through the woodsAnd forest glades I wanderI hear the birdsSing sweetly in the trees;When I look downFrom lofty mountain grandeurAnd hear the brookAnd feel the gentle breeze;
Refrain:
Stanza 3:And when I think, That God, His Son not sparing;Sent Him to die, I scarce can take it in;That on the Cross, My burden gladly bearing,He bled and died To take away my sin.
Refrain:
Stanza 4:When Christ shall come,With shouts of acclamation,And take me home,What joy shall fill my heart!Then I shall bowIn humble adorationAnd there proclaim,"My God, how great Thou art!"
Refrain:
Copyright Information for this Hymn
Copyright © 1953 The Stuart Hine Trust/All rights worldwide adm. byKingsway Communications Ltd. tym@kingsway.co.uk (except USA admin. byEMI CMG Publishing and print rights adm. by Hope Publishing Company.All other rights in North, Central & S.America adm by Manna Music Inc)
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